I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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