I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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