birth control should be required to get into college
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
