For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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