Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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