1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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