we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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