it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
