If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
this is an emotional support booty call
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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