Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
