Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
