chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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