Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
