I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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