I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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