I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
