The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
