FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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