thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
