You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
