I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
