You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
