Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
