ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
