census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
