Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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