I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
