SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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