Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
