halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
