Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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