remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
