Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
