if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
