I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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