now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
