I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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