I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
