god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
