help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
