Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
