I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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