dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
