im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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