she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
