Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
