I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
