If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So many bounce houses so little time
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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