He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
