I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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