you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
