That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
