Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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