I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
