The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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