Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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