is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
