It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
