my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
