I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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