Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
