I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
