you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
