...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
