Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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