I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
