She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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