If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
