no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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