Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
