The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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