dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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