i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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