i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
