can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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