Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
