I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
