I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
