I am puke
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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