Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
