Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
