Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
