hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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