A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have aggressive nipples.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
