I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
