Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
